Thursday, 20 March 2014

Muppet and Weasel, part 2

"Muppet and Weasel don't love me. I'm huddling in the granny-flat, licking the scratches Muppet gave me. They hurt. His nails went actually in my skin. I'm confused. I don't know what went wrong. Let's backtrack. A few days ago, I finally met the other two cats for the first time. I had been looking forward to it. However, they didn't quite react the way I expected. Nothing bad happened, but in hindsight, I can say that they were NOT happy to see me. Also, in hindsight, I realize the value of a screen door! 
So, the other night The Elegant Lady went to the big house, where Catwoman and the other two cats live. The Lady and I like Catwoman. I was hoping for one of her wonderful cuddles, so I followed The Lady. When I got to the house, the screen-door was closed. It kept me out on the verandah. I was mewing to get their attention to let me in, when suddenly Muppet appeared. He was sitting right in front of me on the other side of the screen. He looked startled. The Elegant Lady had told me he has a permanently startled look on his face, but soon his eyes narrowed and he started to growl. He didn't look startled anymore, but angry and menacing instead. It's not something I've encountered before. So, to remedy the situation, I'm putting my front-paws on the screen and make my cutest chirrup. I'm letting him know in very simple cat-terms that I want to be his friend. It doesn't seem to work though. He's giving no indication that he wants to play.
By now, Weasel noticed something was going on and spotted me. She, too, looked completely stunned. As if this was something that was not supposed to happen. Then she walked over and joined Muppet. 
They sat side by side, their narrowed eyes fixed on me. She too, didn't look like she wanted to play. The word 'menacing' again springs to mind. Both Catwoman and The Elegant Lady had told me the two cats didn't get along, but to me, they looked very much united. United against me, I realize now. I think I made a few more chirrups, but since they didn't respond, I got bored. 

Muppet went on-and-on with his growling, one long monotonous sound while Weasel just sat beside him. I didn't feel threatened, because they didn't do anything. The just looked frozen. Then, something caught my attention. A leaf. It rustled by in the wind. Now, I'm a kitten; Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is my natural state. Anything that moves fascinates me. It needs to be inspected, pounced upon, clawed and chewed. The world is my playground. Finally something to play with. So, I was happily playing with the leaf while Muppet was still growling in the background. Weasel had lost interest by now. She too, realized there was a screen separating us. She gave me a look that said: 'I'll get you later', and walked off. Finally The Elegant Lady said her goodbyes, and took me home.

That was a few days ago. This morning I met Muppet again. Outside. Without The Screen Door. Like The Lady said, 'He is a handsome male, with a wonderful fluffy tail.' He was again looking at me. Growling. (Eh? Has he actually stopped since we last met? Doesn't look like it.) Meanwhile, his tail swished from side to side. Being the ADD kitten that I am, I ignored the growling, and got completely hypnotized by the tail. I just couldn't contain myself. If something moves, it must be there to entertain me, so I wiggled my bum, focussed, and WHAM! I pounced. 
Muppet was furious. He let me know in no uncertain terms, with tooth and claw, that I am not to play with his tail. In fact, he doesn't want me to come near him at all, and he certainly isn't here to entertain me. 
Now I'm in the granny-flat, licking my fur. Both my humans have tried to comfort me, but to no avail. I just don't know what hit me. On second thoughts, I do know who hit me. Muppet. The unimaginable has happened: he and Weasel don't love me." 

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Muppet and Weasel, part 1

"I have noticed that there are two more cats here at Bat End. Sometimes I hear them walking past the granny-flat. I usually rush to the door (which seems to be closed all the time) and call out to them in my cutest chirrup. I am sooo looking forward to meeting them and, of course, playing with them. The Elegant lady looks at me. She is worried. She doesn't think they are going to like me. She told me that Muppet is a handsome male; gray, with a white collar and black lines around his large eyes. She also told me that he had a sad kittenhood and wasn't properly cared for. Catwoman took him in, but Weasel, the other cat, hates him. He now walks around with a permanently startled look on his face. Weasel is the resident matriarch. She is a black and white fluffy lady, also called 'Hairy Beast'. She likes Catwoman, cars, men and dirty laundry. You can also find her on the toilet looking for fresh water to drink.
According to the Elegant Lady, she does not like sharing. 
I don't know why she is so worried. In all my 10 weeks I haven't met a cat or a human that doesn't like me. My mum loved and nursed me, with my siblings I played and huddled, and humans usually found me irresistibly cute. I mean, what can go wrong?
Catwoman however, seems to share Elegant Lady's concern. In order to prove it, she read out an excerpt from some old diaries she reckons were written by Muppet:

Day 25 at Bat End: 

'Weasel hit me. Again..'

Day 26: 

'Weasel swiped me as she strolled past. She always wants to hurt me...'

Day 27: 

'The day started so well. Did a really cool game and Catwoman was proud of me. But then Weasel cornered me and bashed me up.'

Day 28: 
'Weasel hit me. It really hurt'

Day 29:

'Hiding under the bed. Weasel still found me and hit me. Feeling sad.'

'Muppet', when happy!

However, she also read me a few pages of Weasel's diary:

'This is my 25th day on top of the kitchen cupboard. Something disastrous has happened. One day (25 days ago that is) MY Catwoman came home with a little ball of fluff. He is white and gray, with large eyes lined with eyeliner, and a little smudge of cream on his nose. She said he was being mistreated at his previous home. I noticed the gooey look in her eyes though, and my heart just plummeted. This is MY house and MY human and no fluff-ball shall take that from me. I think I'll go down and teach him who's boss.'

'This is day 26 on the kitchen cupboard. Catwoman had a guest over for lunch. This lady went all 'Oooh and Aaah' over the new fluff-ball. I feel absolutely nauseated. I remember this lady. She used to go 'ooh and aah' over me, but no, not today. I did get my own back though. I waited untill both women were gone, and got down from the cupboard. I just 'casually' walked past 'Mr Fluff' and swiped him. Didn't see that coming, the stupid git, eh?!. Feel a bit better now.'

'What!?' 'My nap got interrupted on what must be day 27 on the cupboard. There is the noise of something thundering through the house. I cautiously peered over the rim of the cupboard and my heart took a nosedive. Nooo! I'm in shock. Disbelief. I closed my eyes and shook my head, but when I opened them, the scene and the sound were still the same. 'Fluff-ball' was racing through the house after the 'Red Dot'. He was completely absorbed by the game, eyes shining! Catwoman looked ever so pleased. This is outrageous! She is MY woman, not his. Mark my words: 'he'll pay for this...''


So, is Catwoman actually trying to tell me that her cats are NOT going to adore me? I can't wrap my tiny kitten-brain around that. Surely she must be wrong. No, Muppet and Weasel are going to love me, you'll see...."

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Kin Kin, where bigger is better!

"So, we finally went to Kin Kin. I was told when I arrived at Bat End that we have a beautiful place in the country, and that we will be travelling there and back again every week. As the time moved closer, the Elegant Lady packed more and more stuff. Humans really seem to have a lot of stuff. They seem to think they can't live without it. The Gentle Man was noticeably excited. So, Kin Kin seemed like a truly mysterious place, where life must be really good. What was a mystery to me is the name. It's the same word twice. Isn't 'Kin' enough? Or 'Double Kin'? What about 'Two Kins'? I figured there might be a reason for it, and I was about to find out.

The car was packed, my Humans excited, and I got strapped in my harness and taken in the car. Did-Not-Like-It. There was a rasping roar, everything started to wobble, and suddenly the trees were shaking again. Elegant Lady took me on her lap, and held me tight. It calmed me and eventually I think I must have fallen asleep because in the next moment we were arriving at Kin Kin, and I was introduced to my second new home. And it was BIG! I raced around, skidded over the tiles and flew straight into the fly-screen! It's all HUGE. Call me 'Lord-of-the-Fly-screen'. The rooms are bigger, the bed is bigger, the screens are fantastic! Even my food bowl is bigger, and my litter-box... actually, after a second glance I realise that my litter-box is exactly the same. Different colour maybe, not too sure about that. Apart from that I started to have an inkling as to why my Humans look so happy. Bigger must be Better!

Something strange happened the next day. I was snuggled up beside them on a bench. Before us is this BIG table. Did I mention the table is bigger too? Well, it is. Moreover, from the bench it's only a little stretch for me to get up there. I can see the whole room. The Elegant Lady came in with a roast chicken. Both my Humans go 'Oooh' and 'Aaah' over the scent. I couldn't agree more. I hop onto the table (not even a jump) and check it out. 'Noooo'. 'Mooch, stay away!' The Gentle Man's voice is not so gentle anymore. 'Huh?' 'You mean, Me?' 'You actually mean that I can't be here and can't have chicken?' I was actually whisked off the table. Not just whisked, scruffed like a naughty kitten. I am still utterly confused. I can be on a bench, but not on a table? What is the difference between this surface and that surface? It's easy to reach. Meaning, if I can reach it, it's my territory. More importantly, you tell me all day how utterly adorable I am, you want me to be part of this family, but I can't join you for dinner and have this chicken? It must be human logic. Fortunately, not much later some chicken appeared in my 'bigger-and-better bowl'. After that I fell asleep on the 'bigger-and-better' bed.
I was reflecting on the Kin Kin mystery on the way back home in the wobbly car. It struck me that everything was bigger and better in Kin Kin (except the litterbox). One 'Kin' simply won't cover it, so it's doubled up. Yes, I think that's a reasonable explanation. Mystery solved with some furry logic. Now I can go back to sleep!"

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Moo-Chi meets the 'Red Dot'

"Something really important and exhilarating has happened today. This was the day I met the 'Red Dot'. Back at the RSPCA I had heard rumours about an elusive Red Dot. It was said that every cat that found a good home would eventually meet the 'Red Dot'. It was also said that it was either going to bring great joy, or become one's downfall. Apparently it has emotionally ruined certain cats. 

Moo-Chi chasing the Red Dot, which was green!

This afternoon I heard the sound of a zipper, then a click and there it was....hovering over the couch, then flying over the surfaces of the room. There was no way I could have mistaken this for anything else...this was the 'Red Dot'. I kept thinking it was a green dot though, however, I'm a feline. This means a truly superior sense of hearing, a great sense of smell, glorious fur (silken to the touch), retractable claws, stunning reflexes, beauty divine, elegance, and, last but not least, a purring-machine included with all this magnificence. Nevertheless, we're not that good with discerning colour. It's something we don't talk about all that much.

So, here I am, running, jumping and flying like crazy after this Red Dot, thundering through the whole of the house with the humans hysterically laughing. For some strange reason, they thought it was funny. The Dot was truly pesky. It would hover, as if trying to tempt me, then fly away at great speed. I would lose it, only to show up near my paw and fly away as soon as I saw it. It made no sound at all, which, given our superior ability to hear, is impressive. (Some people seem to think that dogs have better hearing than us. Let me make it perfectly clear, for once and for all, that this is a fallacy. We cats have MUCH better hearing than dogs!) After a while my movements started to slow and I started to pant. This was hard, very hard. I can understand now how it could become some poor cat's downfall. It has the ability to totally wreck someone's self-esteem. Then I heard the click again, the sound of a zipper and it was gone. With difficulty I dragged myself on the bed and flopped down for a good night sleep. Happy and content knowing I had met the 'Red Dot'. I had found my home."

Note from the Elegant Lady: 'Mooch was actually right. It was a green dot. David, a.k.a. 'The Gentle Man', has a green laser pointer which is zipped in a snug little bag when not being used.'

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Meet the Gang at Bat End!

Another beautiful day at Bat End. The Elegant Lady takes me for a tour around the place. First I meet the chickens. They all stay together, except for one, Ginger Chicken. She is a big chicken; much bigger than me, and I’m told she pumps out a large egg every day. All the other chickens are smaller and so intimidated by the size of her eggs, they are all off the lay. I don’t care about her eggs. I’m intimidated by her, full stop! She’s big!

Next thing I see is a bird who is MUCH bigger than Ginger Chicken. He has HUGE feathers that are insanely coloured. I was intimidated before, now I’m downright nervous, but the Elegant Lady holds me tight and talks to me softly. She says his name is Gonzo. He is a peacock, and because he is so beautiful he is also called Pretty Boy. Well, he is sure showing off his feathers. Catwoman loves him, not for his feathers though, but because he kills snakes. I’m also told a snake can kill me, so I should leave Gonzo alone and treat him with respect.

There are also a few peahens with Gonzo, and one of them has two pea-chicks. The female is not as big as Gonzo, but she is still HUGE; about three times the size of Ginger chicken. The two pea-chicks however, are exactly my size. They are called Pixie and Punky because they have funky little mowhawks on their heads. The Elegant Lady tells me they are NOT a tasty variety of KFC, and I should leave them alone. Their mother will get very angry if I misbehave. Indeed she looks like a Big, Mean Mamma. Pity…I could have had some fun with them.

Friday, 16 August 2013

The naming of a cat...

“Hello!! My name is Possum. Or, at least, I think it is. The elegant lady keeps calling me Possum, or Sweetie; very confusing, because she calls the gentleman ‘Sweetie’, too. Catwoman called me ‘Port’ and ‘Guinness'. Nobody calls me ‘Midnight’.

It is a beautiful sunny day and I’m outside with the elegant Lady, the gentle man and Catwoman. I think they’re discussing something serious. Catwoman brought a version of ‘Old Possums book of practicle Cats’. ‘It’s time he gets a proper name’, she says. ‘I agree. ‘Midnight’ is not a great name for him.’

Ah, so that’s what this is all about. Possum is not my name either, nor Sweetie.

The ladies open the book and start reading ‘the naming of cats’. Then they recite in unison a poem about Macavity. Apparently he’s not there. He’s also ginger, so that’s not going to be my name. I’m starting to think that this a holy book for humans, about the naming of a cat. I’m deeply impressed.

‘What about Mr Mistoffelees? He’s black!’ The elegant lady likes the name except for the fact that it’s a name of a demon. ‘I’m not going to name my cat after demon,’ she says. Catwoman disagrees. ‘It’s a great name. He black and naughty. A demon’s name is totally appropriate’, she says while giving me a ruffle.

What aboutLucifer?

Elegant lady, ‘No’

Catwoman, ‘Beelzebub? Bulby for short.’




‘Hellboy?Faust! Yes, you’re a Faust, aren’t you’, she says while I’m purring away under her lovely touch. I feel rather seduced by this Catwoman.

The elegant lady is fed up now. ‘No, I am not going to name him after a demon!! He is NOT naughty. He has a lovely character.’

‘Ok, ok, what about Stout’ says Catwoman, while giving me another cuddle. You know, or Guinness. Or PORT! Port is a great name for a black cat!’

‘No. I’m not giving my cat an alcoholic name either.’

I am wondering now. Do demons and alcohol have something in common?

‘Maybe I should call him TOFKAM,’ sighs the elegant lady. ‘Tofkam??’ The other two aren’t convinced. ‘Yes, ‘The Cat Formerly Known As Midnight’. The gentleman thinks it will become ‘Toffee’ for short, and that is the wrong type of colour.

What about Ananda? It means ‘bliss’. ‘Are you an Ananda, Sweety?’ she asks me. Uh, am I an Annawhatta? Anawaddawadda? No way! I can see she looks dejected, so I give her a little nudge on the chin. She strokes me and notices that I’m a really good smoocher. She’s thinking out loud. Smooch? Mooch? Mooji? What about Moo-Chi?

Did I hear Moo-Chi? Yes! That’s it! A cool Zen name! I’m a Moo-Chi!”

Friday, 19 July 2013

Nighttime activities

"It's dark. I've been sleeping for hours on the bed with my new family. I remember the time with my mum and brothers and sisters. We were one pile of claw and fur. There was also milk for us. It made us feel warm and safe. It's a bit different here with these two humans. They are so big! It's like mountains moving when they turn. It makes it hard for me to stay close to them, but I try. I lie on her chest with my paw stretched out to his shoulder. I truly hope they appreciate the effort I make to stay connected. Hm, time for my bowel-movement. They've given me a litter box and I know how to use it. I'm not like these slobbering dogs at the RSPCA that whine and scratch in order to get out, otherwise they defecate on the floor. Not me. I am a cat. We have our dignity and know how to keep ourselves and our territory clean. So I jump off this comfortable bed and head for the litter box. I do what I have to do and then scratch around. The elegant lady seems to wake up from the sound.

'Mmm, are you using the box Possum?' I think she means me with 'possum'.

'Phooey! That stinks!!!!!!! Sweety?! Wake up! He's poo'd'.

I am awake, so I think with 'sweety' she means the gentleman, not me..

'Oh-my-God, what a stench. It's the middle of the night', she grumbles.

Eh? what is wrong with a night time bowel movement? I've been sleeping for hours on end. I'm baffled, to say the least. Nevertheless, she jumps out of bed, grabs me and hands me to the gentleman.

'He didn't even bury that properly! One big turd for us all to see and smell with three bits of kitty litter sprinkled on top of it!'

Eh, excuse me! This is only a small box, I don't want to get my paws dirty, thank you very much!

This is not the end, the list of complaints goes on....

'Ugh, how can something so small and cute produce such a stench?'

Yes, I'm cute. Every cat worth his salt knows its worth. However, what is this commotion about a perfectly normal physical function?

She then storms outside with the contents of the litter tray. When she comes back, she grabs a bottle and starts to spray something that smells like flowers before coming back to bed. Does that mean humans smell like flowers when they go to their litter box? Is this a territory thing? I find it all very strange, offensive even. I know some cats are into this imperialism, but not me. Too much like hard work. Anyway, this has been going on way too long for my taste, I'm hoping we can finally go back to sleep.

'Ooh, I haven't been sleeping well'.

Yeah right. The complaints just keep on coming tonight.....

'With him draped over us, I'm afraid to turn in case I crush him in my sleep'. 

'It's ok darling', he says soothingly.

Good, I really need some comforting after this list of endless accusations. He really is a gentle gentleman.

'I'll keep him here on my side, you get some sleep'. Uh? He was talking to her?? Nevertheless, he gives me a cuddle, switches off the light and we can all get some sleep now. I knew it wouldn't be easy living with humans...."